So I know she is ten years old and I know that she knows who the tooth fairy really is. But I still can't describe the feeling of complete failure and utter disappointment in myself when she came bounding down the stairs this morning, came to a screeching halt beside my chair and said, with a big grin pasted on her face, "You guys didn't have any money did you?" I saw the baggie in her hand and remembered...she'd lost a tooth that has been driving her absolutely crazy lately because it would pop out of place but wasn't quite ready to pull.
Half an hour later, my mommy heart was still hurting even though she insisted it was okay when I apologized. I kept imagining how excited she was to wake up and look under her pillow only to find her old tooth still laying there. I wondered, why is this bugging me so much? Why do I feel like such a loser? And then I figured it out - it's because she's been going through so many changes in the last year and a half. When I saw a glimpse of the happy-go-lucky little girl that she used to be, then realized that I was responsible for jerking her back to the realities of life, I know I can never get those moments back. And I want to hold onto every single one I can get. Because the older she gets, the fewer and farther between those moments are.
So I've said all that to say this, I'm determined to make the most of those times in the future. I will be vigil in looking for ways to make that happy-go-lucky girl visit again. Though it most likely won't occur with a pulled tooth, I hope I don't miss it next time.
