So I know she is ten years old and I know that she knows who the tooth fairy really is. But I still can't describe the feeling of complete failure and utter disappointment in myself when she came bounding down the stairs this morning, came to a screeching halt beside my chair and said, with a big grin pasted on her face, "You guys didn't have any money did you?" I saw the baggie in her hand and remembered...she'd lost a tooth that has been driving her absolutely crazy lately because it would pop out of place but wasn't quite ready to pull.
Half an hour later, my mommy heart was still hurting even though she insisted it was okay when I apologized. I kept imagining how excited she was to wake up and look under her pillow only to find her old tooth still laying there. I wondered, why is this bugging me so much? Why do I feel like such a loser? And then I figured it out - it's because she's been going through so many changes in the last year and a half. When I saw a glimpse of the happy-go-lucky little girl that she used to be, then realized that I was responsible for jerking her back to the realities of life, I know I can never get those moments back. And I want to hold onto every single one I can get. Because the older she gets, the fewer and farther between those moments are.
So I've said all that to say this, I'm determined to make the most of those times in the future. I will be vigil in looking for ways to make that happy-go-lucky girl visit again. Though it most likely won't occur with a pulled tooth, I hope I don't miss it next time.
7 comments:
I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who has forgotten! Even though Ashlee doesn't know who the tooth fairy really is yet, I still feel the same way you are describing!
Oh Sara,
My sister heart hurts so bad
for you. I know how awful it
feels to think you have hurt
your child.
Believe me she will forget it
sooner then you will!
In a few day's it won't sting so
much. I hate that feeling still,
even tho my kids are all grown
up.
I always hated it when I did that sort of thing. I usually tried to make up for it. Like Jody says you probably feel worse than she does!
Awwww! I know you are disappointed. Fortunately, kids are very resilient. Don't forget...good moms have guilt. The others don't care.
:)
It's nice to read about other caring moms and your love for her really shines through...what a good mom you are!
Sara - I agree with all the other comments, and will add one more thought - I think that part of your sadness is because you realize a "phase" of her little life is passing into another one, which only means she is growing up.
And yes, you always need to be alert to catch those "moments", because as they grow, they are fewer and farther between, but there are still plenty there - if you care enough to look for them.
You have to read your child's emotions to know what is REALLY important to them.
you're not alone ... the "tooth fairy" has forgotten a lot lately with my oldest daughter. lol! she's almost 12 ... so i know she knows the truth. but you still know they're looking forward to it!
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