Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Friday, December 12, 2008
Overheard
Janae: Hold on, Britnee! Kerrigan is being like Ruth to Naomi...where you go, I go; where you play, I play!
Monday, November 3, 2008
Pronunciation, Please?
In thinking of baby names, a friend sent this suggestion to me :)
How would you pronounce this name: 'Le-a'?
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
It's pronounced 'Ledasha' Oh yes...you read it right.
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce it correctly.
When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said 'the dash don't be silent.'
How would you pronounce this name: 'Le-a'?
Leah?? NO
Lee - A?? NOPE
Lay - a?? NO
Lei?? Guess Again.
It's pronounced 'Ledasha' Oh yes...you read it right.
This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA.
Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce it correctly.
When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said 'the dash don't be silent.'
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?
Thanks to Jerry for this hilarious read. I took the liberty to post the ones I found MOST funny :)
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken had to cross the road because he was not able to find a bridge. Alaskans do not build bridges to nowhere. If he wanted a bridge, he'd have to build it himself.
HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY : Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
DR. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!
JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.
SARAH PALIN: The chicken had to cross the road because he was not able to find a bridge. Alaskans do not build bridges to nowhere. If he wanted a bridge, he'd have to build it himself.
HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.
GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.
DICK CHENEY : Where's my gun?
BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?
AL GORE: I invented the chicken.
JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.
DR. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.
DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain, alone.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.
ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?
COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?
Monday, May 5, 2008
Health Benefits Of Being Overweight
A new report suggests that being overweight is not as harmful as is commonly believed, and actually confers some surprising benefits.Being five to ten pounds overweight could protect people from ailments ranging from tuberculosis to Alzheimer's disease, research indicates. Those carrying 15 to 25 extra
pounds are better able to recover from adverse conditions such as emphysema, pneumonia, and various injuries and infections, states the report.
Thirty to forty pounds of flab could help fend off breast, kidney, pancreatic, prostate, and colon cancer. And an extra fifty pounds on the scale may improve eyesight, reverse baldness, cure the common cold, and reduce global warming.
In general, the report concludes, overweight people are happier, more successful in business, smarter, and friendlier.
The study was funded by a research grant from McDonald's, Burger King, Jack in the Box, Taco Bell, Domino's Pizza, Starbucks, Haagen Dazs, Sara Lee, and Krispy Kreme.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Alzheimer's, Cancer and Blondes
Janae is our joke-teller. Britnee's too blonde (brain color only :) to get jokes and Kerrigan's too young to even understand the dynamics of a knock-knock joke yet. So it's refreshing to have a child who gets them and enjoys them! Here are a couple from Janae's Joke Bank. One is my favorite and one is the latest:
A man went to the doctor. The doctor said, "I have some bad news and worse news. The patient said, "Okay, what's the bad news?" "The bad news is that you have cancer." "Okay, what's the worse news?" "The worse news is that you have Alzheimer's." "Well," said the man, "it's a good thing I don't have cancer!"
Two blondes walked into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it.
A man went to the doctor. The doctor said, "I have some bad news and worse news. The patient said, "Okay, what's the bad news?" "The bad news is that you have cancer." "Okay, what's the worse news?" "The worse news is that you have Alzheimer's." "Well," said the man, "it's a good thing I don't have cancer!"
Two blondes walked into a building. You'd think one of them would have seen it.
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