Fully Rely on God

We've heard the phrase, but what does it REALLY mean? I received an email regarding a devastating circumstance - the move of a family member in which this individual has found solace and comfort after three huge losses in her life in the space of 101 days. I thought about this subject before bed and again this morning. My conclusion? Sometimes God takes away things that we become too dependent on so that we rely more fully on Him. We might know that in our head but sometimes it’s hard to get it through our heart.

Allow me to share a personal experience (or three :)

Late last year, I discovered a homeopathic pill for nerves and stress and found myself taking them quite frequently. Nothing wrong with that at all. And it wasn’t hurting my body because it was homeopathic. I am aware that it could have totally been mind over matter – the pill might not have really worked that well, but I didn’t care how it worked as long as it settled my nerves. But one day when I took it I immediately felt convicted. God said, “You are depending WAY too much on those little white pills and NOT ENOUGH on Me to get you through this. We can work on this together. You can be a conqueror over this area of your life, but I want to be the one to get the credit and NOT those little white pills! I want to be the one you come to first not LAST. I want the praise and the glory for this victory.”

I recognized His voice because I had heard it before. When I was fighting to keep horse pills down to build up my hemoglobin in the early weeks of my pregnancy with Janae so I would have a better chance of carrying that pregnancy. And again when I was struggling to breastfeed Kerrigan, thinking that was where we had gone wrong with the problems with Janae. I heard His voice in the stillness of the night. And again while standing under the spray of the shower with tears streaming down my face so hard I could not separate the two. I heard His voice and I answered - because I knew He was the only HOPE; He was my only HELP. Whatever I was doing might have been working to a degree. But how much better to have the Creator of all things, including ME, on my side; fighting this battle with me – and even at times for me?!

In the stillness of that night in 1997, I told God I was killing the baby that was inside me. I couldn’t take the prescribed herbs for my blood count. And He told me, “Quit taking those pills and I will let your baby live.” I surrendered but not without a fight. A week or so later when I was admitted to the hospital for hyper emesis, in spite of not being able to eat properly my hemoglobin was 14.6 – an all-time high for me! But only because of God.

Under the spray of that shower 7 years ago when I felt that I was failing my baby because we were having difficulty breast-feeding, God said, “I want you to stop nursing her, put her on formula and trust Me for her life.” “But God, everyone will think I’m nuts!” “It doesn’t matter.” “But God, formula is what caused Janae all the problems and I don’t want to risk that with Kerrigan.” “Yes, but when in the end you look back and realize that you made it through Kerrigan’s infancy with no problems, I don’t want you to credit yourself and the ability to breastfeed. I want you to look back and say, ‘I did everything wrong according to our previous track record, but God made everything right – and God alone.' ” And that is exactly what I said - "only because of God."

I still have the little white pills in my night stand and in my purse. God has given me His “permission” and “blessing” to take them on occasion. But less and less frequently. And ONLY after I call on Him first.


“…despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us.” Romans 8:37 NLT

“They did not conquer the land with their swords; it was not their own strong arm that gave them victory. It was your right hand and strong arm and the blinding light from your face that helped them, for you loved them. You are my King and my God. You command victories for Israel. Only by your power can we push back our enemies; only in your name can we trample our foes. I do not trust in my bow; I do not count on my sword to save me. You are the one who gives us victory over our enemies; you disgrace those who hate us. O God, we give glory to you all day long and constantly praise your name.” Psalm 44:3-8 NLT

We are Weak

Written November 13, 2007:
I got a phone call a few minutes ago. A friend who thought she’d hit the lowest point possible had a few hundred other things hit her and the bottom dropped out of the bucket thrusting her into an abyss full of so much pressure, stress and darkness that it looked impossible to pull herself up.

Some of her struggles, I don’t completely comprehend – I’ve never been there. Some of them I can certainly identify with. But even though I can sympathize, I still felt helpless as all that one can truly do in these types of situations is to listen with an understanding ear. And sometimes that doesn’t feel like enough.

And then you always wonder, WHY? What is to be gained from an experience like this? And while I worked around the house, praying for strength for her today, an old song came back to me. One that most of us undoubtedly learned at our mother’s knee or in Sunday School. It’s just that back then we visualized a very small “us” and GREAT BIG God physically, not really truly comprehending the meaning. “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so; little ones to Him belong, WE ARE WEAK BUT HE IS STRONG.” And now that we are older and need it, we so easily forget that little phrase there at the end. But it is so true. His strength is truly made perfect in our weakness. Sometimes He allows our world to fall apart for no other reason than to show us that we aren’t really Wonder Woman. It is Him working through us – His strength shining through our weakness – that turns our attempts into successes. We need to be reminded of that occasionally so we don't allow our achievements to give us a big head. Sometimes it's to bring us to the realization that we don't have to do it all to be good enough. Sometimes it's to make us realize we can be a wonderful woman without being Wonder Woman. Because it’s not our super powers but God’s that makes up the difference. (And I've been there a lot in the last year.)

Whatever the WHY, and even if you never see the WHY, remember, His strength is perfect when our strength is gone.