I Dream of Janae

I had a strange dream this morning. I’m neat even going to try to interpret its meaning. I think I’ll forget about the strange parts and revel only in the one little tiny conversation that I had with my then 2 yr old daughter. That part was real. Very, very real.

In the dream, I had been in and out of sleep. I finally roused myself enough to realize that I was hearing the neighbor’s annoying lawn mower driving around my trailer. It was fall and he had been complaining that I had done the proper “yard prep”. It was driving him crazy but I didn’t have the energy or the drive to tackle it. I was in the trailer with my 2 yr old (who happened to be Janae) and my mother. We were all napping but it was past supper time.

I woke up, checked the meat that was on for supper and put on my coat. I was sneaking around the things outside trying to see what the neighbor (who had now gone over to his barn) was going to do next. I wanted to confront him but didn’t want him to see me until he was back on my property. Fall leaves covered every inch of the yard and there were trees scattered as far as I could see but not densely thick like a forest.

I could see my mom through the window in the kitchen fixing biscuits for supper. The neighbor was on his way back over to our place and I headed across the yard to meet him when out of the corner of my eye I saw a little girl in a purple corduroy jumper and cream turtleneck (an outfit she had in real life) toddling across the yard to me. I picked her up and squeezed her tight, then we had a conversation that went something like this:

Mommy: Did you tell Nonnie that you were awake?
Janae: Yep. I woke up kying.
Mommy: Oh, I’m sorry. Were you crying because you didn’t know where everyone was?
Janae: Yep. I started frowin a fit. Then I held my breath. But Nonnie prayed and Jesus healed me.
Mommy: I’m sorry that you were scared.
Janae: I sink I was sad, then mad, then bad.

And then I woke up. But that conversation was so very real to me. I could hear the inflection of her voice and exactly how she sounded at that age. And I had to grin because maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to hear that little two year old voice again in a couple years - if this next baby follows the pattern. Because Kerrigan was like Britnee, so shouldn’t the next one be like Janae? We will see.